For my entire life I felt like something was missing. Is it that I don’t click with my friends? Is it my city? What about my job?

Recently decided to go an internet conference - think burning man, but for incredibly online people. I was incredibly excited for the opportunity to meet and talk to people with a bunch of interesting backgrounds.

Then - an injury happened. Skiing through some glades, fell over and whacked my head on a log. Helmet meant it didn’t feel like much at the time, but I gave myself a concussion. Nothing too serious, but enough that I wasn’t able to travel.

I had to cancel my conference plans and I was so incredibly sad. Why was I so sad?

Because, I was excited to be a leach. I’ve always been a lurker. I love to take advantage of things, people and experiences. I hate to create them.

I hate to create them because I’m scared! Scared I’ll fail. I’ll organize a party and it won’t be fun. No one will come. Everyone will think I’m stupid.

There’s a wonderful world, right here where you are, when you life the vail of fear off of your eyes.

Failures will happen. Failures should be celebrated, I don’t care if it’s cringe to say it. If you’re too scared to try and create things, you’ll always remain a lurker.

So of course a party of interesting people sounded great to me - I could go leach off these other people! Maybe I’d become like them. Maybe they are what I was missing.

None of these people will solve the hole in my life. Mentor’s exist, but they can’t do the work for you. I need to go off into the world, shed my fear, and become the interesting person I feel like I’m missing.